Revelations Part I

I do believe this will be the turning point of this blog...

how should I put this,

OK.

This may come as a HUGE shock to you, but over this past year, I've been thinking a lot, about Spiritual things...the Bible mostly. Yea Yea, I know, foul mouth me with my venting and revolutionary rage against injustice...How in the world could someone like me, even begin to contemplate God.

But contemplate, I have. You see, years, years ago before I became totally disgusted with Americanized 'Capitalist' organized RELIGION, I refuse to say Christianity because if any ever have read the Bible what you see professed as the Prosperity and Materialist religion today is far, far from what the Spirit of Christ is about.

Well anyway, at one time, believe it or not, I used to be a very strong Christian, no kidding here. I didn't curse, I didn't rebel, nada,

well, I did but I didn't like, make a lifestyle from it. I never turned totally away from my faith, against religion and against the church, oh Yes, I did,

but not, my faith in its entirety. I never denounced Jesus Christ.

Because I knew, too much, too much had happened and I saw things that well, there simply was no denying, not for me,

I had felt His presence too many times and I just knew.

So, I kept it hidden, way deep in my heart under huge piles of bitterness and anger and resentments,

not so much at my life, some of it, yes, but against the whole world, more so, against the hypocrisy that I found, to be so prevalent in this world [in religion more than anything].

I tried to separate it, into compartments, its hard to explain but anyway, that's what I did. I became

LOGICAL,

and things had to be about Reason, not faith. So I took up the study of Marxism and Dialectics [ironically, seeing more to confirm faith than to denounce it], I took up science, philosophy, gender studies, even other religions/beliefs.

But through my search, one thing kept coming up more and more and more all the time,

NONE of those, had the core of Love,

or compassion, or grace.

Nor did they have the core of human's need for God.

I do not regret any of my journey because I learned so much, I learned how Christianity has been hijacked just like anything else,

by fanaticism, by hate, by misogyny, by powermongers.

But one thing, that I kept recalling, the early church and writers of the New Testament

WARNED ABOUT THESE THINGS...EVEN BACK IN THEIR DAY.

It wasn't like, all these ills just came about in the twentieth century, oh no,

they were just as much back then, as they are now.

People haven't changed throughout the centuries, not in the least, no matter how modern or evolved we Think we are,

the ills of humanity, of human NATURE, are still there.

Many have called that core of ill, Sin.

I can say, I believe that. Always have,

but, like so many, I hated the 'cop outs', the using Sin as an excuse, the using Sin and Faith and Religion as an excuse to accept the status quo and NOT to change anything,

as if, God had somehow intended us to always live under hierarchies and abuses of power and slavery and materialism and classism and so forth.

But I knew, just from what I read, that none of that was true,

that God wanted and wants so much more from us and that He had intended so much more,

He, by the way, not as He in gender...I still believe that God is not gender as WE define gender.

Anyway, throughout my journey, and especially in the study and activism in women's rights/feminism, which I still believe mind you, a lot of those beliefs,

confronting Patriarchy, that is,

I did have a lot of conflicts with my faith. But as much as I tried to Hate Christianity,

especially when reading other feminist writings about how its Christianity and/or Judaism that created patriarchy/misogyny,

I knew, there was a DISTORTION there. I knew and I didn't bother getting into the whole debates and so forth,

I know if you Read the Bible and take many things literally rather than its spiritual symbolism then yes, it sounds as if God is some male being entity and that there is this hierarchy and that women are nothing but concubines and etc etc etc,

and that -- was how God set the order of things,

Thats how the anti-God folks say it.

But you see, that is where they Miss it,

[religious folks miss it there too]

that ISN'T how it was intended,

that's how SIN turned it.

Sin perverts, distorts, destroys.

Sin is the reason for hierarchy, patriarchy, misogyny, abuses, classism, racism, hate

SIN.

I do believe that there is a Dialectic, a Spiritual one however, that over the years, which each stage of development, through logic and reason many times, that we've, evolved from sin, at least, in a mental assent.

Human Rights, the Abolition of Slavery, the Women's Rights movement, Children's rights,

all of those, including yes, the Poor People's Rights, Equality,

comes from that spiritual revolution. That, mental growth that says, you know, this hierarchy and abuse is Wrong, something is wrong about it, it goes contrary to what lies deep, deep within our hearts,

that law of nature.

People, religious people will say, "Oh, those are the works of man and because they are man's they are not God's will and they are selfish-driven",

sure, maybe they are, because of Sin but that doesn't mean God didn't work through those revelations,

God can speak through a ROCK if He so chooses.

I believe, that God has inspired humanity on so many levels using sinful humans to do so, including using humans that don't even believe in Him.

Even using other religions, not that I think God sits up there and manipulates, no, not what I'm saying,

but what I'm saying is that the Spirit of Truth, is and can speak, through any dark cloud,

and That is where, discernment comes in I believe, how do we distinguish what is Truth and what is Deception?

There is so much spiritual deception and I think, thats where the human spirit/and heart, has a lot to do, which how a human judges what is right, correct, and what is false.

The Bible says, I don't know the exact quote and I don't want to get up but it says that 'there are ways of thinking that seem right to a man but that they are lies, or that they lead man into destruction',

along those lines, that is, it says that. I can look it up later, but it's referring to Carnal, or what they call carnal thinking.

And its something we struggle with daily...between what seems right, and what IS right.

And the really tricky thing is, what often seems right, can look so angelic.

But, the Bible also says, that Satan appears not as some brute monster, oh no, but as an Angel of Light,

as something pure and wholesome.

Which, if you want to speak now logically, can mean, that Evil can appear as justice, as good, as fair, as Enlightenment,

as PROGRESS. Oh, especially Progress,

but there is something, that all of these things, have in common, and this is what I have found, through my journey through rebelling against everything Christian [speaking of Bible here],

and that is, all those Worldly things, though good as they may appear, all lead to Man/or Human [including woman] being gods themselves or not needing God or not needing repentance or humility or especially

denying themselves, not in some physical sense, oh no, but denying themselves to Love another.

You see, it all sums up really simple, to one thing,

LOVE.

I'm not talking about sensuality or about sensationalism or this emotional feel good quick fleeting emotion,

but LOVE in that, Love that lays down their life for another....no matter How awful that 'another' might be.

LOVE doesn't love expecting Back.

Not spiritual love...

I think the closest example to God's love for us is a parents or mother's love for her child. Maybe why, in our modern day world, there is so much hatred for that type of love,

its ridiculed.

Sure it is,

because it just makes sense...IF you believe in a Satan and a God [the truth that is], Satan Hates humans,

he hates God, so of course, Satan hates mothers, he hates birth, he hates Women, he hates children, he hates family,

he hates community, he hates everything about humanity.

And he comes or seeks to Kill, Steal and Destroy,

thats what Jesus said.

I don't think, many feminists understand that Satan yes, hates women with a passion,

Satan is the King of Misogyny.

NOT GOD,

you see, That, That is the biggest lie there is, that its God that hates women,

that its God that put this patriarchy and misogyny into being,

not true. Its the reverse...

Its funny, when I studied Marxism, and Marx was absolutely right when he said Religion was an opiate and what he meant by that was that religion was the Tool [as was told by Machiavelli himself, which has a LOT of influence over Western Civ btw], to use to keep the masses in a state of fear,

of obedience, to authority.

Machiaevelli and Marx were referring to how people will not question matters of class or hierarchy because of deeply embedded religious beliefs.

And what throws people is that Jesus said, to serve, to be humble,

and people take that into meaning, that those who believe are to be doormats, are to be submissive,

But, there is more to it than that...because there is also so much in the Bible that says also,

to resist, to take a stand, to oppose.

Submission Biblically speaking was a Revolutionary act, believe it or not, against the ways of Sin,

in other words, a type of Passive Resistance [like anti-war],

but not passive in this beat down way.

But it doesn't Stop there, by no means...lets not forget, Jesus himself, went in and Threw over the money exchanger tables, in somewhat of a very violent way...

He was no beat down weakling, by no means and neither were we supposed to be that way either.

I think, that the lesson was to fight evil/injustice but at the same time be humble, lest we be tempted ourselves or less we forget that we are just as much,

guilty...

in referring to Sin.

so, anyway, in contemplating all this, especially in these end times and Yes, I do believe, we are in the End times and that what is in Revelations and Jeremiah is coming to pass,

no matter HOW crazy that may seem to you, the reader, that's what I believe, not because I'm some emotional religious wack job, hardly,

but through years of studying things non-religious and studying things that are spiritual, seeing the dialectic at work and well,

I can't explain HOW I see it but I do. Yes I am aware that throughout time there has been end time preachers that have said its now and of course the world goes on,

but dialectically speaking, there are things NOW globally, that do line up with what the Bible says that didn't in all those other times,

including the environmental damage. I don't think its coincidence that even scientists, men and women that don't believe in spiritual things, are saying,

something is going to burst, it simply cannot go on like it is,

global warming, famines, drought, war, Doomsday [nuclear], globalization, horrid genocides and Gendercides [killing off generations by killing off women or by demonizing motherhood and by that, slowly starving those that Are mothers],

something is up...

and there IS a false god, a false religion, an Anti-Christ if you will,

I don't think its a person. I think its a system/s of belief, economic, religious order of some kind, persons/leaders and a system that yes,

will be Global.

I think, there is going to come a time of 'false' peace,

especially in the Middle East and that the leaders who manipulate that false peace will be seen as miracle workers, a false sense of goodness,

and millions will fall for it, hook line and sinker.

It will be PROGRESSIVE to believe and to embrace the New Order,

those who resist [and here's whats interesting, did you know, in Jeremiah, it says that Believers AND Resisters will oppose the Anti-Christ and that I think means, political resisters or those who are opposed to hierarchies/governments, etc],

anyway, those who resist, will be done away with.

And no one will think anything of it because these resisters will be seen as backwards, as probably I would assume, fundamentalists, as bigots, traditionalists, etc.,

as encroachments to progress, as Anti-Revolutionaries, of course,

as those who Love and Want the status quo,

and for some, that may well be true...

but thats how they are going to depict those who do not embrace selling their souls, literally,

to the new messiah, the false messiah, the Angel of Light.

I don't know, if its going to be one leader or a political system, or what have you,

I've read the theories and the different opinions, I don't know, but what I do know,

is that, it will all appear so good, so progressive, but, will turn into the most horrid evil this world has EVER seen,

and what is so horrid about it, is that the millions who embrace,

won't even know its evil, because the Holy Spirit will have left.

Yes, I am coming around, back to my faith...slowly,

at least, mentally, hard to explain, so much I have fallen by the wayside,

so much...on that, I lay down at the feet of the Cross because He knows,

I've not hidden it and He knows what a screw up I am...

I am not here writing this as some religious person or some right person, by far,

I'm still the same ole me that hates so much what I see in the world, that is rebellious like no other,

that is the farthest thing from humble and that mentality of servanthood, is so far from me,

and I will sit here and tell you when I confront or run into what I term as those goody two shoes I cringe,

because I think they are so damn fake.

God knows what I am so why hide it and why try to be something I am not?

Don't get me wrong...I do work on so many things and lately I'm working on my foul language [I'll have to write about that] but I have years of anger to work through...

and Why I'm changing on so many things is NOT so I can become some I don't know how you term it,

or because I'm all wrapped into that do not do this and all that other Legalism, I can't stand legalism,

or Religion for that matter.

No, its about not being apart of that poison...or letting that poison work through me,

I had an epiphany about that yesterday, about language...not in the way you might think,

but its something I had never thought of before, well,

heck, I'll share a little now.

I have had two long term relationships with men, who were/are very, very abusive, like Vampires,

you know, and I never realized it but over the years dealing with their verbal and horrid abuse/vulgarity and misogyny, first time by turning inward and that was when I was younger and yes, a doormat,

but later one, the second time, by fighting back,

but you know, something about fighting back and becoming harsh yourself---you're still constantly in that state of fight.

You may be throwing it right back at them [verbally or physically, doesn't matter] but you are still having to reflect off those verbal/and or physical barbs, like,

picture arrows coming at you...you can throw up a shield and even throw arrows of your own but eventually you'll weaken,

your shield will be dented and so forth.

Over time, you become a vessel where those arrows simply just go through, or you pull out those arrows and throw them elsewhere...

but those arrows are still poison.

Its draining on one hand and on the other, its like you become, through fighting that is, a channel, for their arrows...

thats how language works.

Well, anyway,

vulgarity works that way...women I think now a days have a real problem with it because in taking up [and it doesn't necessarily have to be vulgarity it can be just the terms or things one says or an attitude, etc] but in taking up that shield and what We discern as power,

[which really isn't power, its abuse of power],

but in taking up that and fighting back, deflecting those abuses,

its consumed us to where, like with so many other things, it becomes yes, a part of us and we begin to channel it as well...

maybe not intentionally but thats how Vampires work,

seriously, spiritually speaking that is. Thats how misogyny works, how classism works, racism,

you can't not be touched by it in some way...and its a daily fight.

anyone who says differently is simply not awake and aware spiritually.

Thats all for today,

where I go from here I do not know....

still reading Narnia, really good book btw and its funny, there is NO way, one could say that Lewis didn't use Christian symbolism,

any who say that,

have simply never read that book. Because its just So there,

next on reading agenda, is Lord of the Rings and another, by Tolkien.

Natasha