Saturday, January 2, 2010

Continuing to Confront Misogyny While Working through My Faith

Update...its been a long while since posting on this blog, thought it time for update. I've been writing more on my other blog, which has more to do with confronting sexism within Christian communities [or who claim Christian, some are clearly not--some are just deceived--as I once was] and working through well, just a lot of personal issues.

I still continue to also confront Islamic fundamentalism-oppression of women--but its NOT my 'only' focus now, because I do see how that same type of fundamentalist woman hate is in some sects of Christianity too--AS well as in the secular. I'm coming more to the conclusion that Dogma is Dogma, and well, some Dogma is worse because its dogma with a gun,

so to speak. While I do not believe we should ever underestimate the danger of political Islam--because we surely can't, on the other hand, where women are concerned, Islam is not the Only oppressive system--or oppression.

More and more I'm moving away from the 'group ISMs' and just confronting ISSUES in themselves, as well as confronting evil and the lack of love and mercy in our world. In humanity, along with dealing with my own sinful nature, per se--

a lot has changed in me since I first started this blog--I don't get As angry any more, that's a good thing, Christ has healed so much in me, but that doesn't mean that the issues, the horrors, still don't cause me anger or grief, they sure do, and fear,

as well as Guilt. You know, when we live in relative safe places [though we might not be safe within our intimate environment] there can be a type of survivor guilt--this is something I'm working with now, how sometimes we can focus also on issues to Avoid dealing with the demons in our own lives,

ON the other hand, we can become so wrapped up in 'our own lives' that we forsake all others,

but, I have been wondering about Why God allowed me to go through so many years of anger and rebellion--to bring me back to a place of repentance and healing, not perfection--no, I still sin--we are saved by His Grace, not our 'own efforts', but its a 'growth' process--that does not mean we aren't accountable to Him for our sins though or that we can just do as we please, etc., we are to Abide in Him, to abide in His Grace, its not cheap--it Cost Him something precious, we should never forget that,

Jesus Christ.

Anyway, I'm seeing how for me anyway, that maybe what God is doing with and through me, is actually reaching out to those who like me, in anger/brokenness get into the political--out of fear, resentment, maybe even that sense of indignation, but who are more harmful, being zealots...because you see, while being zealous to do good is honorable, Without Love, it is a breeding ground for evil. What we 'measure out' is measured back to us, what we judge, we are then judged,

there is no respecter of persons OR gender here where God is concerned.

But what I also learned, is that in a lot of raging against the injustices of the world, that often times, it comes from an Anger at God--life is unfair, why we know better than God, why doesn't God do anything, etc etc etc.,

and while we may rage, yell, protest, the thing is, what do we Really do, to minister to the needs of those who ARE hurting?

All the years, I raged, wrote, protested, Did I feed the hungry, clothe the poor, relieve the afflicted, give water to the thirsty, visit the prisoner, and Did I do these things in the Love of God?

Sometimes, but rarely, I did--you see, its way easier, to curse the darkness, to revolt, to rage,

its NOT so easy, to suffer, suffer in doing good in a world bent on evil. I'm learning some humbling, hard lessons, but I am glad--better to be corrected by God than to not be--and answer later,

anyway, I have another blog--I am listing it here today, as I am writing more there--my direction is changing...I still cover issues,

but it seems more and more, I want to go to more hands on relief--work,

as Christ changes me--well, it pours out. Not that the change is immediate or that I don't fall back into old habits--I do,

but, one thing, I never want to go back to being that woman again--because no matter how horrible this world is, I know, there IS an eternal--I know, that Jesus is Real, that He is Living, that He will one day, return...I know, He loves me,

and its His love, that has changed me--His kindness, that leads us to repentance--repentance is not just immediate--its a whole entire change,

an inside change. Not just external--though its not this la la land existence either, its NOT about religion,

its about Relationship.

That I am learning--and its not always Easy, no way, easy,

More though, its about Love, and love isn't just some warm feeling or cliche or pretense--I still have a lot to learn,

but I'm getting step, at a time.

I will sign this, under this blog's name, Natasha,

I use the name Jane, for janedoe, on my other blog...btw, neither are my real name. I used the pen names, to represent someone or something,

to be honest in some ways I'm a tad ashamed of this blog--so much hate and anger here, but I left it, because, well, it shows, what Christ can do, to a human heart...

probably more, than just 'talking' about it.

So, will return to this blog--or I'll just leave it, don't know yet, but you can follow me on the other,

peace, in Jesus Christ,

Natasha--or Jane

1 comment:

Mara Reid said...

I thought that was you Jane.
And I do think it is good to leave this up so people can see the progress of your growing in God's love (and still growing as we all are).
It is a testimony.
And it's a good one.
May it remain.
May angry women, who have a good reason to be angry because of the hate and abuse they have suffered, may many of them come here and follow your road to healing and find healing for their own weary souls.

And bless you as you continue your work. God loves you so much, I have tears in my eyes over it.

Psalm 40:1-3
(You waited on Him, and He has answered you.)