Even Advocates Sometimes Have to Wrestle

with themselves, and that is what I've been dealing with of late.

How to come to terms with,

my coming back to my faith withOUT losing my firm beliefs on fighting against injustice. Its not so much my 'faith' that causes the problem,

its the long time of memory and knowledge of current teachings that so many who also share the same faith spew,

you know, the whole pacifist ideology [for women especially] and all that. Or what I call the Americanized 'capitalized' Christianity...

which, in so many aspects has been Completely Westernized AND Colonized by legalists, fundamentalists, MISOGYNISTS, and well,

moonbats.

Why I may have come back to my faith I haven't lost all my marbles or ability to use common sense or Reason, thank goodness, but I do have something to share that well,

for me was a blessing sent from the heavens, literally.

I've been reading back on the foundation of the early church/its progress/distortions by 'law zealots' that, even Paul in the New Testament in his letters WARNED ABOUT, and I was cleaning out one of my bookshelves and loe and behold,

I find this book, that I either picked up or found or had given to me, like Long, long ago, never read it, It was stashed with a few other religious books towards the back, as I don't read them very much simply because well,

for me I've always liked just reading the Bible and didn't get into all the whole religious book thing, and I can't Stand the whole Women of God type of books, you know the ones,

the ones where the token beat down Christian anti-feminist woman takes a few scripts and tells women how to be submissive, without mental will of their own, and how in this somehow, she is to find peace and glory and all that

bullshit.

Seriously, its bullshit [no, I haven't lost all my potty mouth, and you know, I look at it this way, God knows my heart and knows who and what I'm about and yea yea I know, only use language to edify but you know, when you see a spade you call it a spade and well,

when I see bullshit I simply just call it bullshit],

OK then, well anyway, I had my years back in my Younger naive days when I did read those types of books and talk about being Messed up in the head, no Wonder I got involved with abusive men,

it sets up the perfect platform for it, you know. Teach a girl from birth that she is put here on earth by a God to be at the feet [or under] of men/a man, that her Entire worth is based on being 'submissive' and like one woman I recently read, 'her biological assignment to bear children",

I mean, Come on, give me a frickin break.....many of you reading may not understand what I'm referring to here but if you have Ever lived in a religious/neo-con environment or community you will know what I refer to here. And this is where later in life when I came into feminism that yes, I could not just See what they were talking about hell, I understood it on a very deep and intimate level.

The difference though was that while I was in that fundamentalist environment I rebeled, I guess because I yes, read the Bible like every day, which btw started out as a journey of curiousity, I wanted to know God, not Religion so when I read the Bible that was what it was for me, and I guess,

I missed the whole memo of legalism/laws, it wasn't until I started attending the Churches that I got bombarded with those. And twisted yes they are, scriptures taken out of context and beat into the audience over and over and over and over, its so predictable that I could sit here today and tell you exactly how the lessons will go.

Thats fundamentalism though, how it works, a lot of 'repitition', they Drill it into you. There is a huge difference between Meditating on the Word of God and being Brainwashed in legalism and a few scriptures...a Huge difference.

So anyway while the churches were spewing their 'woman submit' blah blah blah, I was reading about the women Missionaries [yes they existed] and Judge Deborah in the Old Testament, Talk about a powerful woman,

she wasn't no beat down submissive doormat, by No means.

and well, I just didn't See that spirit of patriarchy in the Word like I was hearing in the churches--but NOT Just on matters of women, oh no,

where I saw the Major difference between what is spewed in the mainstream Religion here in the West and what is in the Bible, was

THE TREATMENT OF THE POOR.

Oh, night and day and there is NO way, No way the majority of pro-capitalist garbage spewed by religious folks is anywhere Near,

Christlike.

Not even.

That, That is where you Really can see the difference between God's character and what Man, Legalist, Patriarch, Corrupt Official, teaches.

and it was on that basis that I evolved into reading Marxism, completely moved away from the church, but my faith entirely, though I did have a few words with God on occasion, really struggled with my faith those years,

and I took another path. But, I should say, for those who have not read the entire blog here, I then found, the same or WORSE hypocrisy and legalism in the left and in feminism,

oh, its there and in many ways its very similar if not identical to the 'drum drum drum brainwashing of fundamentalism 'dogma' that you see in fundamental religions', its just a different type of religion,

that's all.

And I suppose that is why I always was getting myself into trouble with so many people, I saw things that I couldn't really explain but I saw them, like a type of discernment and I just never could fit myself into this little 'box' of 'this is how it is and there is none other'. Just never could do it,

and I could smell the social engineers and the cultists and the blood seekers like so easy, maybe because I had experience dealing with the other kind, maybe,

or maybe because when you seek the truth/God's face on your very own, listen with your heart, and seek justice and have compassion for people you can see it, maybe, don't know,

can't explain that one but I think its very different when the individual seeks from the source, and not from what 'others say'. That can be said about anything btw, whether its seeking God or seeking the truth about what one philosopher said or history, you name it,

when you seek yourself from the actual source, rather than what somebody Said about it, and a good example of this, well,

is studying Calvin, and then read what Weber said, two totally different outcomes yet the majority of people know Calvinism through Weber, and it is very much so,

highly distorted. [the early Reformation movement, in fact was vehemently Anti-capitalist and many here in the West, early Christians in America, were vehemently Anti-capitalist as well, that's something many have never Heard of, but its true]

Well anyway, so I'm looking through these books, and I come across one,

"The World Before and After Jesus, Desire of the Everlasting Hills" by Thomas Cahill.

WOW, what a book, its not what you may think,

its actually a historical and very scholarly book, Thomas Cahill does great work and writes very well but anyway,

if you really want to get a political picture of the times then, of the early church [believers, not organized religion,that didn't come till way later], of the disputes between the writers of letters or let me put it this way,

how letters were written then and then decades later, Expanded upon, and Cahill is very careful in stating we simply don't know but it does open the door for considerable thought, Especially in the teachings towards women.

Cahill also reveals through text and historical evidence how Jesus himself was very outspoken not just against the political corruptions of the time but the religious institutions and social corruptions of the time,

or of that epoch. Cahill also reveals the Jewishness of Jesus, which I thought was really interesting because here in the West we don't often get that aspect of life then, anyway it really is an Interesting read and I would strongy recommend this book to everyone, whether one is a believer in Christ or not,

its just a good book and the historical and political revelations of that epoch well, they are very clear and the comparisons to then and today, one simply cannot miss. We still have the Neros in this world,

and the scribes and religious 'elites' and the power elites oppressing the common peoples. We still have the 'scapegoating' of peoples, by governments and haters and the genocide that results from those demonizations.

And we still have the relativisms for progress, that justify every corrupt and hideous cruel act there is, all reinforcing or meant to reinforce Hierarchy, misogyny, etc., classism, etc.,

in the name of 'progress' which really boils down to imperialist expansionism.

Faith and a relationship with the Creator should be autonomous, not driven or forced by government, religions, laws, police, etc.,

once faith becomes a force that is driven by guilt, terror, exile, abuse, death,

it no longer is faith.

Its selling your soul to powers that are out to steal, kill and destroy.

This is why there is a real similarity between legalism and 'cults', because they are one in the same. Be they religious cults [large or small] or new age cults or yes, goddess cults, or political cults,

they all produce the same means. Dogma, forced compliance that eventually leads to terror/death of the 'other' meaning, those who don't comply or bow to,

and they All produce a legalized [even if not written, it can be a code of conduct] HIERARCHY, that insists on the complete selling of one's self.

NOT out of LOVE, no,

out of 'obligation',

and something Cahill spoke of, that I think, was the light shining in the eyes removing the veil so to speak,

that Paul, in writing his letters didn't just stop with Faith,

it was, Faith, Hope and last but not least,

Love.

There has to be all three,

Love being the end....the most important.

I'll close with this...and may it free any who come here to read, from any chains that bind...including those Religious chains that say you must be a submissive slave...

that, my friend, is a lie. God does not insist on slavery, He didn't create slaves, nor wants them,

male Or female, greek Or jew, they are all alike in God's eyes....

Galatians 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

[talk about equality, hmmmmm]

and, last but not least,

my favorite, that yes, is the strength and basis of why I can still continue fighting social injustice, fighting against laws that make decrees against the poor, against women, against those systems that oppress,

because to NOT fight, is to in fact, give consent, and I will not give consent to darkness.

1 John 4:16 (King James Version)

16And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.

Anything that is not of love, is in no way, of God...that includes friends,

slavery, misogyny, abuse, oppression, classism, they simply cannot be inspired or by God, its really That simple.

Natasha