New Year Resolutions and all that Nonsense

That's right, the usual Capitalist nonsense of getting their digs into you, using Guilt to get YOU to buy those you know,

programs, gyms, diets, etc etc etc to help you quit whatever bad habit or help you keep your promise for change,

all of course, while helping to line their pockets.

Do we ever KEEP THOSE RESOLUTIONS THOUGH?

Hardly,

maybe because doing things out of GUILT don't work folks. If anything, the guilt turns into anger and resentment which fuels and instinct we give in...

or at least I think so.

I stopped doing New Year Resolutions YEARS ago....but, not because I became self inspired, oh no,

no, I just stopped doing them because well, I knew I wasn't going to go through with them, half of the time I didn't want to stop in the first place, it was just the 'chic social thing to do'.

But I will say, I was inspired, by one writer, in a diary she wrote, and I took her example and ever since, WOW, it makes

SUCH A HUGE DIFFERENCE IN NOT JUST HOW YOU LOOK AT THE NEW YEAR BUT YOUR ENTIRE ATTITUDE ABOUT LIFE.

Anais Nin, wrote in her diaries that she didn't do resolutions either, instead, she wrote a list, of ALL THE ACCOMPLISHMENTS OR THINGS SHE DID THAT INSPIRED HER OR TOUCHED HER/BLESSED HER, that past year...IT COULD OF BEEN PEOPLE SHE MET OR THINGS SHE MADE OR LITTLE THINGS SHE ATTEMPTED AND DID,

but the point is, rather than look at all she Hadn't did, she instead, wrote a list of blessings of the past year, to look back and see all the wonderful things in her life.

Now, let me assure you, this is easier said than done and Why? Because we are creatures of habit and our habit is to look back at all the FAILURES and log down our oh sucky we are and how much we suck and how much we need CHANGE....

CRUCIFY, CRUCIFY, CRUCIFY,

like that song goes by Tori Amos, "Why do we crucify ourselves, every day, we crucify ourselves"

Isn't that the truth, and you will find JUST how much you crucify yourself when you start doing a REVERSE list, of what you Accomplished rather than what you need work on.

And its not just feats you set out to do and finished, oh no, it could be, something little, like,

an example, I read such and such book like I always wanted or I learned to cook such and such meal,

or I did this with the kids.

When you write out your list, you'll have two things to deal with,

pain

and

joy.

Pain because you'll see those things yes, that hurt, those things that you wish you had done different or didn't happen, etc., some years can be worse than others...but KEY is,

don't DWELL on those things and that's where you will have the most battle,

you instead, go back, you can go back to first of year or end and count backwards and start remembering the Good/Positive things,

and start writing them down, no matter how silly it may seem. Also write down words and/or acts of kindness that you have done and/or others have done for you, moments that touched you in a good way, inspired you, made you think...

and before you know it, you start feeling joy and growth, oh, So much growth, you'd be surprised at how much you have grown in just one year,

often times without really taking notice, and why is that? Because our society is [the world actually, not just our society] is geared to always show you and remind you of your Shortcomings rather than your good points.

And here's the gist of that, when all you do is look at the negative, at the shortcomings, at the 'I need to do this',

nine out of ten you won't do them, and why is that?

Because you start them out in a negative spirit, you start out already with that defeatist belief/mentality, but when you look back and record all the good things,

something inside you changes. EVEN if you fail, its not like it drags you down to the bottomless pit---because you see, when you record the good, the positive, the changes you have made,

you build up inner hope and faith. [and for those of you who do not mind me saying so, you should also take this time to thank God for all the good/blessings too]

And it changes, once you get into a habit of doing this, your whole way of looking at life--

it is a Habit you must learn, and let me assure you, its not easy because we've been indoctrinated and programed to do the exact opposite. So, for example, without getting too personal here,

I will share with you just some of the things I did or that happened this past year that were good....and that give me hope and inspiration to deal/cope/have faith in whatever may come this next year.

My List

1. I always promised one day I'd read the classics and I have read several...not only read them but they changed my life/thoughts and have given me so much to ponder and think on and have enriched me, and given me so much more to discuss with my children, my family and others.

2. I started watching older films, films I had heard of but never had seen, and it opened up a whole new world to me but also, a whole new appreciation of history, of times past, a new understanding of so much that it would take a book to jot down all I have learned, including things about myself.

3. I was purged from a political party and while painful at time it was the BEST thing that happened to me, because it opened my eyes and made me face my denial...about so many things. It also,

4. Inspired me to look back at the spiritual, my faith that I had once abandoned years ago for strictly logic...but I found, spirituality isn't anti-logic, not at all.

5. I met some wonderful people on the web, that fight injustice, that care about the world, about women, about children, and I know, there are good people out there that don't sell their souls...that gives me hope and helps me to realize, when all looks bleak, do not fret, we aren't alone in this world.

6. I'm facing the reality of mortality and making peace with it[no fear, finding, truly finding, what is really important and Who really matters, in the end of it all and Who we need to be concerned with]...also tied into my faith.

7. I oddly, let go of vanity, meaning, I went through a stage of resenting/loathing aging and not being young but that stage passed [thank God], and I learned some valuable lessons about myself, about whats important and what really isn't important, also learned how much women are indoctrinated to hate themselves.

8. I learned to not take my children for granted but also, that they are not 'ours' to own, guess what I'm saying, is that, no matter what we do, they still make their own choices because they are their own person and thats where the unconditional love comes in,

and the story of the Prodigal Son, has far more meaning to me today because in dealing with my children [one in particular] I learned what God's Grace really means for me and for the world,

9. I learned and am still learning how to let GO of so much anger...not letting go of anger at injustice, no, but that inner anger that consumes you and eats you up...because you can't, CAN'T control the world, no matter how much you would like to, and last but not least,

10. I learned, that in doing social work or working against injustice, you have to be very careful not to take on the false guilt, and what I mean by that is, you can't control what humans do, you can only live your life...do the best you can to change the world for the better,

but you can't take on all the pain onto yourself and feel that constant survival guilt because when you do, your life of self-inflicted martyr misery isn't helping to deliver anyone...all its doing is giving the banality of evil more power and expansion.

This is the hardest thing I learned this year and I suppose this too is a lot of reason I got back to my faith, not religion mind you, surely not legalism, but personally, my faith,

that no matter how dark and horrid and violent this world is/can be, no matter how much hell and pain and misery and suffering,

all of it, can't stamp out, LOVE,

all the armies of theocracy and hell in the world, all the lords and despots of brutality, torture, horrid laws and oppression of women, children, men, can't, stamp out

God's true spirit, His Love and His Grace. Nor can they stamp out Truth and Justice even if it looks that way,

there is always life, new life, under that long cold winter [see Narnia post below]. It can be buried and snuffed out for years and years but that life is there, that spark,

once you really get a hold of that, you find another valued precious truth,

11. The vital importance, of when you are fighting evil and injustice, you need to also, look at the small good things, the good people, the moments of beauty because here's why,

give you example, in Iran, the people have been living under horrid oppression under laws that have been drilled into them for centuries, women living under the most cruelist of oppressions, [not just Iran btw],

and yes, those who stand up for human rights, often pay a harsh price--but the fact is --

here in one of the darkest regions of the world where oppression is concerned [using the example of women here],

and you can include Afghanistan in that too,

there are individuals who fight, who speak up, who, don't give up hope. HOPE,

and who love, who no matter what they lose, they still LOVE, and so many of these people have lost everything,

but I realized, the more they lose, the stronger they get, the stronger the growth of hope and love and COURAGE to stand up to oppression becomes,

and they say there is no God,

no Spiritual world,

I don't think so. There is SOMETHING,

that drives people to do what is so impossible in our frailty.

In our tears and despair,

LOVE, LOVE gets through.

Somehow, not immediate, no, there are those valleys, but LOVE gets through.

12. I learned and am learning,

that Religion [including organized Christianity] is the number one tool of Evil/you can call it Satan if you like,

to lure/invite humans to hate, to judge, to oppress, to enslave, and not just Religion in the God sense of the word,

but Political beliefs that turn into a form of religion or philosophy or even, yes, ideologies even if, intended to be in the best interests,

when they turn into legalism, dogma, fanaticism,

they lure and poison and turn to hate and then, finally,

inner death.

The walking dead,

and I, was so close to being one of them...

so much, that I can't put into words, I'm seeing but on a very deep level, talking about what I see inside my heart,

and I have such a long way to go. On the inside that is,

that falling away but finding my way back, I guess you could say,

and that, there is so much more to life and living than just what is in Us, and in fact, thats part of the key I think,

is getting out of Us, ourselves,

and on that note, I learned too, that altruism, can sometimes be avoidance, escape from dealing with what we need to deal with,

and it can come in so many forms.

What appears is not always what it is, including what appears to be good.

13. I played board games with my children that I've never played before and learned the importance and joy of not taking their lives/growing up for granted, to take time, to MAKE TIME, no matter what obligations call me, to spend with them,

because they don't stay young forever AND

14. What matters the most, is not the material things they gain or even the skills to succeed that you impart to them, oh no,

what matters, is the memories you build with them, that they can always hang onto, so your words, deeds, not your ability to give them things, but your words, deeds, and hugs,

and time you invest into your children, are what they will take with them throughout life and those things, are what they will draw upon when those times get bad and they will get bad,

you can preach self-esteem to your daughters and sons till you are blue in your face...

but its how you LOVE them, in ACTION, and also, how you Forgive them and be REAL in front of them, in other words, when you screw up, say so and ask them to forgive you,

and mean it.

Building relationships with your children, is truly, the one true legacy you can leave in the world...because no matter what your works are, if your children loose their light/faith because you've embittered them,

all your works are null and void.

Our work, in other words, our most important work, be you a father or mother, is in how you love your children and the memories you impart to them--not material things, oh no, they can grow up poor, and still have good memories of their parents /family LOVING them,

and I will close with this,

mothers, if you are teaching your daughter's feminism and they grow up, thinking and believing that being a mother is absolutely horrid,

then, really think, how they must feel in themselves, how much they've taken that into themselves as their being the cause of pain [BTW, THIS GOES TO YOU FATHERS TOO],

and if they have this belief that being a parent or caretaker is the most horrid thing of all, then they also have taken the belief that they are a curse and not a blessing,

and no human can go through life, doing any real good or love/spreading love,

if they themselves, think they are a curse.

You can't build a just/social world if you are raising poisoned/embittered children who hate themselves--or who are calloused.

The job people--starts there,

if we fail our children,

we fail, at everything. Everything that is important...and on that note,

I finally really understand that Revolution yes, begins with Love and begins with what you do at home, in your family, with your neighbors, to everyone you meet,

and That Revolution, goes on, even after you are long, long gone.

Leaving a Revolution of love, compassion, grace, and faith, goes such a long way forever,

and no amount of cold hate can stamp it out, no matter how many chains and bars and torture racks they throw upon to stomp it out...

so, this past year, I learned, the most valuable lesson of all, the most devalued job in the world, the most demonized job, the most hated position in the world, sadly,

is the one, I think, has far more value, and yes,

that is being a mother/and or caretaker...not necessarily a mother, but, what I mean is, what you leave in this world after you are gone. IF you leave pain, that pain will spread,

if you leave love and hope and encouragement, and forgiveness, that will spread.

And I can't think, of any better resolution than that,

can you?

Natasha